forums : Jungle Scene

something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years



when i go out there inevitably is always a guy that touches me in an unwelcomed way. obviously its not people from this website, otherwise we'd have a bone to pick, but there is always that one guy, maybe two, maybe more, who gets out of line.

i know a lot of you, and i know a lot of you have seen this stuff happen, but in my experience nobody ever does anything about it. no one ever steps in and tries to help. don't you care about my and other girls' well being? this is mostly for the guys, you could help protect your friend when this happens simply by walking up to her and putting your arm around her.

i don't want to go spouting off stories or anything, but i have some pretty bad ones, and some pretty scary ones. in fact, i've got a few truly terrifying ones. and this is stuff that has happened right there in our bass homes. very very rarely have any of my friends in the scene stepped in to help or protect me.

obviously it's not your fault it happens, but i do feel that it is the communities responsibility to look out for each other. sure, i can hold my own. but really, should i have to hold my own against a 300 pound oily guy breathing down my neck who is holding me against him and wont let go??? really ?

if you see a friend looking uncomfortable, backing away from a guy, being touched, or any of that stuff, do them a favor, do us all a favor, go up to them and ask them if they're okay. if they're not, help them. it's important.

that s**t happens to me EVERY TIME i go out. i do not dress slutty, and even if i did, that doesn't give anyone the right to touch me. guys, step up and help handle the situation when it arises. you may be saving someones life.




[ kamala - 20 Mar 2008 00:55 ]

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

and if anyone ever wonders why i stopped partying a few years back, theres your answer.

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

i've never really seen that at d&b parties. i don't doubt it happens though....

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

WOW, one of those things that is just never addressed. Kudos for bringing this to light. This is one of the reasons my wife started to dislike jungle parties. And she was there with her husband when this stuff happened! Those that were lucky enough to be at Evolve 009 saw me carry some jerk out by his neck because of this. =/ Its a sad world but I blame most of this on disrespectfull drunks. Solution, like you said more people need to step in and make the guys doing this uncomfortable. I bet that guy I carried by the neck thought twice about doing it again. =)

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

I remember another incident like that was preeeeeeeeeeeeetttty bad @ vibeflow....


Come on people! Don't let your friends get f**ked with! what the hell? Good thing bringing this up, now its the minds of whoever reads it.

**********
According to dj.com ...

WOW, one of those things that is just never addressed. Kudos for bringing this to light. This is one of the reasons my wife started to dislike jungle parties. And she was there with her husband when this stuff happened! Those that were lucky enough to be at Evolve 009 saw me carry some jerk out by his neck because of this. =/ Its a sad world but I blame most of this on disrespectfull drunks. Solution, like you said more people need to step in and make the guys doing this uncomfortable. I bet that guy I carried by the neck thought twice about doing it again. =)
**********

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

I would seriously kick some dude in the balls or make a scene if some fool thought he could step to me in an inappropriate way just cause I was half his size and boodylicious...

oh and don't be afraid to ask for help to those around you...although there are ALWAYS these nasty fools up in the club, there are probably a lot more good people. Good people tend to be more passive then the bad ones but maybe this thread will help.


[ missbassie - 20 Mar 2008 08:50 ]
[ missbassie - 20 Mar 2008 08:50 ]

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

Wow i have not had this happen to me since the rave days.. Those days were bad for me.. But hey girl i had no idea this was happening .. Will deff keep a eye out. Propps for speaking your mind about this

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

I "spill" drinks in a serious way...

and with precise accuracy

and if that doesnt work, if someones violating my personal space, I'll straight check a guy no matter size/drunkness (im small, i get pushed around, i f**king hate it, i wont stand for it) and no doubt 2 seconds later a homeboy will step in. if your uncomfortable, let it be known, people will see, and one of our guy friends wont let it go on.

[ take_me_back_to_la - 20 Mar 2008 09:08 ]

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

yeah, wasnt going to bring that one up because I think dude was blacked out. but was very lucky to have some good friends around that night... Thanks Lonnie and Brian!!! ha ha ha

**********
According to mainframe ...

I remember another incident like that was preeeeeeeeeeeeetttty bad @ vibeflow....


Come on people! Don't let your friends get f**ked with! what the hell? Good thing bringing this up, now its the minds of whoever reads it.

**********
According to dj.com ...

WOW, one of those things that is just never addressed. Kudos for bringing this to light. This is one of the reasons my wife started to dislike jungle parties. And she was there with her husband when this stuff happened! Those that were lucky enough to be at Evolve 009 saw me carry some jerk out by his neck because of this. =/ Its a sad world but I blame most of this on disrespectfull drunks. Solution, like you said more people need to step in and make the guys doing this uncomfortable. I bet that guy I carried by the neck thought twice about doing it again. =)
**********
**********

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

true.. but being drunk is no excuse! dude got what he deserved..

like how these guys kamala is talking about need to get what is deserved
**********
According to dj.com ...

yeah, wasnt going to bring that one up because I think dude was blacked out. but was very lucky to have some good friends around that night... Thanks Lonnie and Brian!!! ha ha ha

**********

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

some people are just raised wrong, its not an excuse, its just a sad fact. Mom and Dad never told them it wasnt ok to do that. I remeber a huge fight that broke out on melrose after respect one night for this very reason. disrespect is not tollerated in our big family.

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

That's complete ass and makes me want to kill someone.

But no need for violence. At Compression here in SF we have a standing policy: someone touches you, is harassing you, they're out. Pure and simple. Come get me on the mic, and I'll straight call for security in the middle of the track. If they fuss, they're not coming back.

I've seen other clubs with the same policy--it should be the norm.

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

1) someone needs to bring back the rudegirls forum!

2) When it happends to me I usually turn around and say I don't know you, don't f**kin touch me ! w. a crazy look in my eye and then they usually stop, but if they didn't I would go tell security so they can kick him out. simple as that

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

But hun you need to first say something to them. Don't be shy, if they make you feel uncomfortable let them know and let them know that it's not ok for them to touch you. If they don't stop then have security kick them out.

**********
According to kamala ...



when i go out there inevitably is always a guy that touches me in an unwelcomed way. obviously its not people from this website, otherwise we'd have a bone to pick, but there is always that one guy, maybe two, maybe more, who gets out of line.

i know a lot of you, and i know a lot of you have seen this stuff happen, but in my experience nobody ever does anything about it. no one ever steps in and tries to help. don't you care about my and other girls' well being? this is mostly for the guys, you could help protect your friend when this happens simply by walking up to her and putting your arm around her.

i don't want to go spouting off stories or anything, but i have some pretty bad ones, and some pretty scary ones. in fact, i've got a few truly terrifying ones. and this is stuff that has happened right there in our bass homes. very very rarely have any of my friends in the scene stepped in to help or protect me.

obviously it's not your fault it happens, but i do feel that it is the communities responsibility to look out for each other. sure, i can hold my own. but really, should i have to hold my own against a 300 pound oily guy breathing down my neck who is holding me against him and wont let go??? really ?

if you see a friend looking uncomfortable, backing away from a guy, being touched, or any of that stuff, do them a favor, do us all a favor, go up to them and ask them if they're okay. if they're not, help them. it's important.

that s**t happens to me EVERY TIME i go out. i do not dress slutty, and even if i did, that doesn't give anyone the right to touch me. guys, step up and help handle the situation when it arises. you may be saving someones life.




**********

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

just want to add...

A little less than a year ago, My dear friend Tim Jones (R.I.P) was murdered over the very nature of this topic. After Mr X bumped into his girlfriend or something like that, Tim went to defend his chicks' honor. That is when a fight broke out and Mr. X pulled out a knife and stabbed Tim. He died almost instantly.

So be careful kids. Violence is rarely the way to reconcile a situation, especially when boozing is involved.

http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/news/local/lakeforest/article_1684021.php




[ missbassie - 20 Mar 2008 10:26 ]
[ missbassie - 20 Mar 2008 10:23 ]
[ missbassie - 20 Mar 2008 10:22 ]

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

^^^

wow that sucks

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

Yes, fighting is not the answer.

My close friends have this problem and i dont know how many times ive told them that i dont want to hear about them getting stabbed, shot or have them accidently kill someone.
Im terrified of what will happen to them cause they seem to think that physical violence is how to pay an asshole back for being an ass, which of coarse would feel better.....but theres just to much that can happen when emotions and anger are at a high level.

Its not high school anymore and walking away after helping a girl is all that needs to be done, then notify security.

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

i have to clarify that i am not in favor of violence, for the very reasons stated, violence creates more violence. I was just remembering an instance that i recalled where I saw almost 20 familiar faces come together to eject a person from a club. the fight was something independent of what happened in the club itself. People in our scene generally have respect and consideration for themselves and others, its a few bad apples.

**********
According to aero ...

some people are just raised wrong, its not an excuse, its just a sad fact. Mom and Dad never told them it wasnt ok to do that. I remeber a huge fight that broke out on melrose after respect one night for this very reason. disrespect is not tollerated in our big family.
**********

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

Exactly...

I love Tim with all my heart but he was a fighter and esp. when drunk. .

Violence is non-sense.
I often wonder if he was AWARE of his own destiny, I mean if he KNEW this is how he was going to die, would he have had enough introspection/insight to handle the situation the right way?

It is just so good to know that so many of you know the right way to handle BAD people.

And I am not saying violence is NEVER necessary, it is just really rare.


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According to kellyd ...

Yes, fighting is not the answer.

My close friends have this problem and i dont know how many times ive told them that i dont want to hear about them getting stabbed, shot or have them accidently kill someone.
Im terrified of what will happen to them cause they seem to think that physical violence is how to pay an asshole back for being an ass, which of coarse would feel better.....but theres just to much that can happen when emotions and anger are at a high level.

Its not high school anymore and walking away after helping a girl is all that needs to be done, then notify security.
**********

[ missbassie - 20 Mar 2008 10:38 ]

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

I would say something if I saw it.

However, I have to say... the attitude that you need other people to help you out of this could stand some adjusting.

The fact of the matter is, psychic vampires exist and are more than happy to leech off your energy through touch or some other unwelcome contact, which is essentially a manipulation or invasion of your energy field.

Simply do not let them in, and if they insist on it, don't be your normal sweet self. Tell them clearly to keep their hands off you and get away from you. By your stated intent to not be touched by said individuals, you are exercising legitimate power and manifesting your will in opposition to those who would subvert it or otherwise victimize you.

Don't let them ruin your good time. Ruin theirs if that's the only way they can have one. Security will be more than happy to back you up, too, I'm sure.

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

The only time i think violence is needed is when it just has to be done.
For example, if a girl is being harrassed beyond control, or defending one's self when feeling threatend, etc.

But the majority of the time it can be handled with a walk and talk to security.

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

naturally i say something to any guy whose treating me like that, but if a guy is gonna be that way in the first place then he's prolly not gonna listen to you either. sometimes it surprises you too and you're not quite sure what the deal is ... then in retrospect you realize you should have shoved the prick down the stairs. usually just having a guy stand near you will deter them. so then, you boys should stand near me :p


that is really horrifying about your friend. definitely not the right route to be violent ... so sorry to hear about that .

ugh makes you think twice about asking for help from a friend ! honestly, the security guard thing could work, but a lot of the time the guards are the offenders. lol ... *cough* pier *cough*

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

At that point u notify management and the promoters.



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According to kamala ...

naturally i say something to any guy whose treating me like that, but if a guy is gonna be that way in the first place then he's prolly not gonna listen to you either. sometimes it surprises you too and you're not quite sure what the deal is ... then in retrospect you realize you should have shoved the prick down the stairs. usually just having a guy stand near you will deter them. so then, you boys should stand near me :p


that is really horrifying about your friend. definitely not the right route to be violent ... so sorry to hear about that .

ugh makes you think twice about asking for help from a friend ! honestly, the security guard thing could work, but a lot of the time the guards are the offenders. lol ... *cough* pier *cough*
**********

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

Man, you think its bad at Drum & Bass clubs - don't go top 40 nites / meat market clubs, it just gets to ridiculous levels of disrespect at that point. (not saying it is acceptable in any fashion)

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

yeah and my girls are always one to defend ourselves!
if that means we have to fight for our lives then so be it,someone is going down.we DO NOT tolerate such behavior around us.my guy friends are violent when it comes to that kind of ish,so i try to never involve them or tell them i just handle it. i dont want blood shed on my behalf,i will decide if I need to bring it there.

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

my bad. sorry amy :/ in my defense you were asking for it.

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

just for the record, so that we dont get too far off track, ladies... i like being touched. :D

carry on

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

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According to hera ...

my bad. sorry amy :/ in my defense you were asking for it.
**********


i know i was dancing like a stripper again wasnt i. but still payback pending next week

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

true that your energy attracts and repels what you put out and draw in. but no one is always energetically on point. so we gotta still look out for each other. . i know for myself im a complete empath and i have no energetic walls whatsoever. so it leaves me really open to that crap. something i've been well aware of but havnt managed to surpass. but much better

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

amy, you would probably love qi gong. that will strengthen your barriers against energy vampirism.

i'm sorry if what i suggested seemed insensitive or assumed too much. i just tend to think that whereas guys are good for brute strength and symbolic territorial behavior, women have MUCH greater capacity to be vicious or frightening, even without saying or doing anything. so it's like... how's some dude barking gonna compare to a not-f**king-around leopardess going for the throat, know what i mean?

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

recently i saw this dude at a party grabbing that was pretty rude with it

dancing all next to this girl and what not and trying to vibe with her

but she wasn't feelin it

but she didn't say anything to him

so he persists,

and then actually goes too far in my opinion, and grabs her hat and takes it off her head

now it's weird,

cuz it could go either way

i've seen a dude do that, and then he pop a rose out of his mouth and just be pretty pimperish in general

and the girl was feelin' it

it really depends, man

the guy doesn't know unless you say something

and a lot of times they're just going to keep going as far as you'll let them, or until you vocally or physically object

these dudes are dirtbag pricks that prey on little hotties and hope to find one good and shnookered to perhaps take her back to the car, play some dubstep, let the panties drop and badda bing badda boom

whah chikka wha wha

it sucks cuz normally when a chick doesn't welcome the behavior, it's brutally obvious to everybody around but the guy that's being a douche

sometimes the stranger on the scene has to step correct and say something

i feel you

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

I remember this really pretty girl, with really pretty eyes that used to always go out to dnb events a few years back. Im sure most of you know her. Well she had a fan club after a while. This fan club used to follow her to her car every night after an event. Now she doesnt go out anymore.

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

nah i still go out.

[ bryangamet - 20 Mar 2008 18:34 ]

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

damn, this thread reminds me of that shy fx |
T-Power song that used to be kind of an anthem to me a couple of years ago.

..."just because I happen to be dancing next to you...does not mean that i wanna have to get with you. yes it' trooooo [something something] boy i'm not feelin' you..."

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years

I know this is gonna be hard for you to accept, BUT !!!! Everything that happens to you, you attract through thought either by default or intetionally. You are the creator of your expierience. If you are not a vibrational match you can not attract it ! Ten years too long ! Use Segment Intending to pre-pave your future and the circumstances will fall into place where you wont have to deal with these assholes !

Re: something that's been bothering me for the past 10 years



of course we are all manifesting things in our own lifes, but you cant discount the effect that your environment and other people/beings have on you.

guys only act this way towards me in a club or party setting. more rarely does this happen at the grocery store, at school, in a park, etc. and its not just me that it happens to. a lot of girls are subject to this type of stuff and a lot of it is way worse.

at a certain point it just goes beyond the individual.