4_.phrantek._4 js regular
producer |
1 Jul 2008 13:34 xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx
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Re: Moving to Alaska.
There are a lot of reasons. I've felt sort of unhappy since returning to California; I ended up having a nervous breakdown a couple months after returning, basically because I'd never had a chance to really deal emotionally with my mom dying, and had been putting it off for two years while attending my very intensive school... and drinking a LOT.
After my anxieties and complexes settled, I began studying spirituality, science / quantum physics, and the metaphysical... I was looking for something, and now I'm looking for something more. This is kind of a toxic place, both environmentally and spiritually, and I don't feel so connected to it anymore. I need to get away and clear my head.
A lot of things have been coming together to make it seem like a good idea... my dreams have been telling me I'm done here for the last few months, but I didn't realize it until recently; economic issues are making my life difficult, because it IS expensive here, so I can't even afford to drive out to see my family or friends; the noise of consumer and city life has been overwhelming to me lately. More than anything, I feel an incredibly strong pull towards a simpler life, to sort myself out, to seek spiritual discipline, to escape from all the distractions that make it difficult to focus.
Out of the blue, my girlfriend was offered a job in Alaska, and things have been falling into place easily and quickly - which is, I think meaningful. There's been a lot of what CG Jung would have called "synchronicity" (which means "meaningful coincidences) involved in making the decision, and it feels right.
I want you all to know I'm grateful I've met you and been a part of your lives. There's a line in Waking Life that goes,
"You haven't met yourself yet, but the advantage of meeting others in the meantime is that one of them may present you to yourself."
The drum and bass scene has been a huge part of presenting me to myself, and I will never forget those who have impacted my life, for better or worse (and "worse" means learning experiences for me, and so I can't say any of it has been bad). I'll definitely be back to visit, and I hope I get to see some of you before I leave.
[ 4_.phrantek._4 - 1 Jul 2008 13:35 ] |
